This has been an interesting time for me in our marriage. It's a little different than I expected. I thought that combined with the feelings of being head-over-heels for this baby that I would also be newly head-over-heels for my husband. And while my love for his is not any bit less, it hasn't quite gone like that (yet). I certainly felt that way for the first day or so she was born, but a lot of those feelings were quickly usurped by a funny possessiveness of the baby, a sort of constant, underlying "You're not doing it right, give her back!" feeling. Odd, no? Maybe not. It's barely been a month, after all.
My husband is already an incredible dad. He's so loving, so serving of us, so protective. (On that note, I already feel terrible for the poor boys who are going to want to date her one day.) There's just this "Mama Bear" feeling I have for her that is so all-consuming. I think that when someone's very sustenance depends on you, you can't help but be a little wrapped up in that person.
I'm reminded though of how much a daughter needs her Daddy when I stop and really see them together. The poor Daddy is pretty exhausted, trying to balance full-time work, three grad classes, an internship, financial stresses and being a new dad all on not much sleep. He spends every extra second with us, and still helps at home in every way he can. He just loves being with her.
I can't do it all. I can't be everything for her. I need him, she needs him, and I love him for his patience as we navigate this new season while all of my attention every fiber of my being is wrapped up in her. Her very adorableness is just ever so very distracting! I used to think (as in, like, a month ago) that mamas who let themselves get utterly consumed by the mama role and let that be their only identity were crazy. Now, uh...I get it. But I know I can't let that happen, because one of the greatest gifts I can give my daughter is to love her Daddy well. Tonight I will try to snuggle with him a little instead of just snuggling her. :)
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It's not odd AT ALL. It is definitely the mama bear syndrome! I had to quickly realize that N's connection with the hubs is going to be different (and equally as wonderful) than the one she has with me ... and I had to let that happen. He holds her, feed her, and plays with her differently than I do and that's totally okay! :) You're totally normal.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Your photog skills ROCK!