Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Learning

Being a new mom definitely requires learning a whole new set of norms.  I have been learning that:

- Completing a project, any project, will require approximately 975 more minutes than the project would take sans baby.

- No matter how often you vacuum/mop/Swiffer vac your house, your baby will find tufts of cat hair and eat them, Stewart-style, just before you can grab them out of her hands.

- It is normal to wipe avocado out of a baby's ear, hair, and toes after a meal.

- Sometimes the reason that I super awesome toy is at the thrift store or a yard sale is because it makes the most horrendously annoying sounds ever.  I can just imagine the evil cackling that occurred when some mom dropped the thing at Goodwill.  Also, that toy will become your child's favorite, even above the adorable piano with the low volume button. 

- No matter how many toys you surround your little with, she will choose to play with a shoe while simultaneously boinging the door stopper.  Sorry, but no toy will make as awesome a sound as a door stopper.

- Watching the back of a baby's head while she is playing is the most fun you will ever have in your whole life. Just something about the way she drops her chin and her shoulders hunch when she is focused is insanely cute.  

- For some reason, littles don't understand "sleeping in" or "but just five more minutes" or "please, please, I am begging you from the bottom of my soul...just sleep for 20 more minutes."

-  Slightly bigger littles have no concept of what "the baby's sleeping" means.  Case in point:
Me, on the phone:  Hey, Bean!  I miss you and I love you to pieces!
Bean: Is Sweet Pea der?
Me: Oh!  Um...yes...but she is taking a nap.  I love you!
Bean:   "Tan I talt to her?
Me:  She is sleeping, sweetie.
Bean:  I'll be vewy quiet.
Me:  Um, well, ok...*pause* Uh, go ahead, you can say hi to her.
Bean, whispering almost inaudibly:  Hi Sweet Pea!  I love you! 

- Also I have been learning that I am currently way less awesome than a baby cousin.  See above.

I have to go because my baby is tossing a little plastic ball for herself, watching it roll away, then chasing it down.  Like a puppy.  It's ridiculously cute.

2 comments:

  1. I whole-heartedly agree with ALL of this. I'm ashamed to admit that I have been on of those moms who has cackled as she drops off insanity-inducing toys at the Goodwill. So sorry. At least the piano I recommended was a winner! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. haha. this post is too adorable.

    ReplyDelete

I love hearing from my readers! Thank you for taking the time to comment. All comments are reviewed before publishing.