Wednesday, July 27, 2011

In your dreams

Before I became a mama, there were many little visions of mothering I had in my head.  None shone so brightly as my "rocking the sleepless" baby vision.  In this day dream, I would be holding the sleepless baby gently in my arms, a soft and tiny curve of a smile on my lips, eyes closed, rocking to and fro as the baby nestled her little head in the crook of my arm and I sweetly sang a lullaby.  My love was strong, my selfless devotion pouring from every fiber of my being.  What good mother cares about sleep when her poor baby isn't feeling well?  Interestingly, said baby was always asleep in this little reverie.

There's a new show about to come out on NBC called "Up All Night."  In case you haven't seen the commercials, one of the scenes they keep airing shows the couple awakened by their crying baby at 5 in the morning, arguing about who got less sleep.

Hubby and I crack up when we see this commercial.  Every. Single. Time.

I am not a THING like my little daydream when Sweet Pea is "up all night."  And let me be honest here.  God must have known what a wretched little creature I become in the middle of the night, because He blessed me with a baby who is a lovely sleeper.  Even as a little kid, my parents didn't much like to wake me, because their typically easy and sunshiney eldest offspring turned into a grouchy little cave troll any time she was woken from a sound sleep.  The few random times Sweet Pea hasn't slept well have all been related to illness or sleeping in a new and different places.

So cue last Wednesday.

Background:  After two days of carting kids all over the world, sweet cute baby goes to bed for a second night in a pack-n-play in parents' bedroom.  Parents have two teen boys staying with them from China, parents put one teen on an air mattress in office and one on an air mattress in nursery.  Parents figured baby would do just fine in their room.  Baby sleep relatively well the first night, although it takes her a long time to fall asleep.  Parents tried draping a blanket over her crib so she couldn't see them, but she just busts it down, looking like a miniature Casper.  

Exhausted parents fall into bed for a second night.  Mother has spent two days in blistering heat with approximately a million teenagers.  Baby fights it, but finally falls asleep.  Parents fall asleep.

12 am.

Baby:  Wah!
Father:  mmmmfpfmmm
Mother:  Just ignore her, it's probably a dream.
Baby:  Wah!  WAH!
Father: mmmmmmmmffff???
Mother:  Go cuddle her.

Father cuddles baby.  Baby goes back to sleep.

1 am.

Baby:  Wah!  Wah!
Mother:  What?  No.  What?
Father:  mmmmmmmmmphbelshmmmmmpt
Baby:  WAH!
Mother:  I am so freaking tired I can't think straight.
Father:  mmmmmmshhhbottle?mmmwoeh
Mother:  Yeah, you can try a bottle.
Father gets bottle.  Baby goes to sleep.

3 am.
Baby:  WAH!  WAH!
Mother:  No.  No.  No.  This can't be happening to me.
Father: .............
Mother:  Babe.
Mother:  BABE.  Seriously.  Oh my gosh.  I am so tired I think I am going to puke.
Father gets baby.
Baby:  Kit-ty?  Kit-ty?
Mother:  No.  We are not playing with the kitty right now.  Seriously.  Go to sleep.  Why the flip is it so flipping hot in here?  Babe.  Seriously.  Why isn't the a/c on?
Father: mmmmpushthatbutton
Mother:  Goes in the pitch black without her glasses to try to turn on the a/c window unit.  Mother trips over approximately 234809 things on the way.  Why the flipping frick can't I see anything?  I can't see anything.  I am so hot I am going to die.  Oh my gosh I am so mad!  I am so tired!  BABE.  I can't find the button.  SERIOUSLY.  WHERE IS THE FLIPPING FREAKING BUTTON?
Father turns on a/c.
Mother trips back into bed again.
Mother:  I am going to cry.  I am so tired.
Baby:  Dada.  Kitty!  Yay!  Dada?  Woof.
Father:  Shhhhhh
Mother: Go. To.  Sleep.

So basically, I am the complete opposite of my baby day-dream.  I am not sweet.  I am bleary-eyed.  I am bratty.  I am usually actually nauseated.  I am incredibly dramatic.  I faux-swear.

In short, I know what show I'll be watching every week this fall!


  1. It's 2:30 am and I'm reading this because I'm the one who woke up with a bad dream. I'm trying not to wake up everyone else with laughter right now - you kill me, girl!

  2. You are 110% completely freaking flipping normal ;) and I can't wait for that show. I die each time they show the preview with the diaper change!


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